Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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