It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
