Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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