dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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