we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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