my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
