Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
