I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
