Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
