we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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