You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
