PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
