I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
