I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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