I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
