if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
