I am in a vortex of obligation.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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