The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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