im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My pussy is not your playground.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
