dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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