I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
