i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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