i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
