He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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