you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
