meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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