that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
