Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
