I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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