She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
