She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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