Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
