that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
