i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
