Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
