You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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