Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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