My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
