Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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