do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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