smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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