she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
this boner is exhausting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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