I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
