dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
