nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dignity is for republicans.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
