i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think people are normalizing furries
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
