Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
