and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
