"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
