hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
