This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
