So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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