Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
