That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
