Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
