I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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