break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
