dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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