If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
