i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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