Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
