she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
