Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
